SPEAKER_04 0:54

It's always good to be with you again, family folks, and friends. Listen, from all around the world, what's up with you? Welcome back to Funky Funky Butt Chic. I'm glad to be your host. I'm Sir Wall, and we're here to do it again, bringing another banger for you. I got something on my mind that I want to share with you that I'm sure you got some feedback on this too. Listen, you hear the saying often that strangers will support you better than friends and all these kinds of things. And I saw a post on social media the other week that support your creative friends in 2026. And it resonated for many reasons. And as I was developing the idea and concept of this show, I started thinking about that. But often when you hear the topic or the idea concept, you know, it's it's kind of throwing off and really blamey and judgy. And that's not where I want to be with this. I want to talk about it in the context of awareness, uh, why that exists. Why is it that people struggle to see your greatness, you know, when it's somebody who's grown up with you or you've known for a while. Um, what is with that? You know, I think a lot of times it has to do with your ability to prove that what you dream can happen. And it scares some people who never try. Um, strangers or outsiders, as I would call them, uh will often show interest and uh support and push your efforts beyond friendships. And uh there's another quote, very famous one, that uh familiarity breeds contempt. And that is when people who know you or know something about you are more likely to lose respect or interest or support for you, and that's where some of that comes from. But today I want to talk about it from the context of proximity envy in unsupportive relationships.

SPEAKER_03 3:13

To be sick, to be cool, let the world know with you, to be here, to be low, level, as a buck, as a bug, I stay funky as they ever think that you know you can do. Oh yeah, you gotta stay fun as a shit.

unknown 3:33

Be everything that you know you can do. I stay funky as they ever think that you know you can do. Oh yeah, you gotta stay fun as a shit.

SPEAKER_04 3:59

Proximity envy, the feeling or jealousy or longing when others are physically or socially closer to opportunities, success, or belonging. Uh today what I want to do is really kind of highlight this and explore what proximity envy is, what it why it happens, and how it affects behavior in relationships, and offer some practical strategies to navigate it in healthy ways, non-blaming ways. Uh, this should be uh awareness, uh uplift, and support so we can move forward to support ourselves and maybe some of those not so supportive friends around us. Uh, for the most part, uh we definitely want to talk about the tension you feel when someone seems closer to a goal or an opportunity or community that you may desire, whether that is due to a location, network status, or access. You know, often sometimes people feel unsettled because you're making moves and strides because you said you would. But that doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. It means that you are getting things done and that your path isn't their path. You know, as I was preparing for the show, there was a couple things that, you know, some signs and synchronicity that reminded me that, hey, you might be on the right topic and this is something your folks need to hear. Um, one was uh something I saw on TikTok earlier that a young man was talking about um a script he'd written. I believe he's a writer and a director, and in the process of getting funding for the project, uh some friends or colleagues had some opinion about what was going on with the project andor his work and his writing. And they shared it in an email and mistakenly forwarded to him, which he saw and he pulled out the particular blurb that was specific to him, criticizing his work and what he had done, and he sent it back to who he thought was the friend or the confidant or colleague, and put something like, you know, 29 years of friendship. And uh it was just interesting to see that, to know that people can hang around and be in close proximity to you and not really support you, or still have their own bit of anxiety or jealousy in the work that you do. Um, also personally, uh someone reached out to me um identifying you know an accomplishment and success that they're having, which I, you know, I agree with support and share, but they're also a person that whenever I'm doing a work, it's never any word of interest, support, follow-up. And when they call about what they're doing, they only call when they need what they need. And on multiple occasions and opportunities, they have just been very passive, aggressive in not acknowledging or supporting any work that I'm doing, unless somehow they can benefit from it. And on the flip side of that, um a colleague of mine had an opportunity to visit with the podcast and had some great things to say and was sharing, and I thought it was interesting how um the close relationships that um I have with some people have not or do not yield that. And I'm not searching for it, but it is something that comes in relationship. And this is why, you know, I wanted to bring the conversation uh to light today and have have the chatter because some of us are thinking about it and we just we don't have the guts to say it. You know, um your success forces people often to face something that they don't want to, they don't want to adjust themselves or do what they need to do. And so sometimes strangers and outsiders, you know, show more support and consume our content a lot easier with fresh eyes, fresh ears, and an open heart without any history with us. You know, that happens off the time, often, and it's no compromise, you know, where friends will hear, see, and feel you through their heart, their own version of you, and often do not want to see the fact that you're growing or expect that you're growing, excelling, or advancing in what you dream and you want to do. You know, that is a very uh interesting space to be in when it comes to people who say they are friends or who are friendly in other aspects, but seem to fall off um in this area. And and even though your friends are not supportive, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're doing anything wrong or bad. Um, they just don't have the ability to embrace the effect and the accomplishment that you're having. And seemingly it it you're evolving, and if they're not moving, evolving, and changing, and you're evolving in your work, your work is evolving, then it leaves them in the place where they feel unwanted, they don't know how to identify, identify with you, and how to actually operate and live in that space because of the impact that you're having. And it can it can really be a weighty, it can be like what they call um the elephant in the room. We never really talk about it, we still hang out, we do all the routine things that we've developed over time to do, and we keep going and never really want to get into it because it would mean having to do what we're doing today. Get to the core of it, why it exists, and how we can move forward, whether it's through boundaries or opening up another gateway for people to feel comfortable and get closer to their own goals so they will not be preoccupied with your progress, and or if it just requires that you know, this is the end of the road. We gotta walk off because I'm still gonna become who I am, whether or not you support it, like it, or get it. You know, also in addition to all the other signs and um synchronicities and symbols and signals and all that kind of stuff. I saw um a talk with Rick Rubin, the music producer, and he was talking about being creative, being a creative artist, and how what we create is not for the audience. You know, it's for us first. Um, because when we create for ourselves, we care about what we create, which will benefit the audience. You know, and in my world, this is not just content, this is intent. I'm leading with intention. I intend to spend time with you every Monday with things that matter to me, top of mind, experiences, insights, things that I want to share with you that you can now take and begin to develop your own discussions and look closer and deeper and become a better you and create better communities and family. Everything you touch just becomes enhanced, hopefully, because you're finding something that resonates uh within the topic. So it's not about creating things you think others will like, but it's creating things that you are proud of, that you love, that you can give away to people, and that it will attract the best possible audience and not just for the sake of what they may like, because then that becomes commerce. And art and commerce do coexist. But I think the key is uh staying artistically creative and in tune and magical with all your approaches, and then everything else that is aligned with that, that uh is attracted to that energetically will find you, support you, and and be a part of your movement. So things like that really put me into a very mindful space of having this conversation so that it's not a necessary call out to anyone, but it is uh reckoning and setting and marking uh divide in the sand that it's not cool as my friend that you're not honestly supportive of me. It's not cool that you don't believe I can be what I dream to be. It's not cool that because you've known me for so long or in a particular way that you've lost respect or interest and support. That's not cool. And I'm not gonna play as if it is cool. It ain't cool because my heart is different towards you and your efforts. But in this discussion, we can talk about ways to probably manage it and balance it so that I can set boundaries and expectations for those friends who are not so supportive, and then vice versa, I can find ways to lead them into more fulfillment in their life, separate uh from what I am doing, accomplishing, and where I'm going. And we don't bump heads, you know, and that's important. We've got to do that in relationships. We will spend years and time with people without evaluating and understanding um the value and the purpose and placement of those people in our lives. Going back to the gentleman on TikTok, it was interesting because once he shared the email with his daughter, she pretty much counterback and said, But haven't you known this all along? And so that was interesting too, that we often sit around and spend time with people who we know are not really rocking with us or not digging us or have their own goals and and and and and we make it work for whatever reasons. You know, we we all make it work. I think about another personal experience I had with someone I was having a conflict with, and they said to me, Well, if if if you're having a problem with me, or you know, if this is the conflict, um why do you still love me? And my response was because you never think somebody that loves you is out to get you. You never think they're trying to tear you down or sabotage you, whether it is over the long game or an immediate sabotage. You just never think that. And unfortunately, once you've had some experiences and you understand and you listen to yourself and believe what you hear and see, because it proved itself, then you understand that it is quite possible people are living in, you know, these trauma-bonded relationships or toxic-driven relationships or upside down with all kinds of things for the sake of having somebody to be around or be connected to, to feed their ego, to acquire the lonely moments. But at the end of the day, these are these are real things and they shape who we are and what we do.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

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SPEAKER_04 14:55

So, why does it matter, you may ask? It's a common, often underestimated emotion that influences motivation, decisions, and relationships. People are living and engaging and laughing and joking and hanging out and investing in unsupported friends who have no interest in what fulfills them or what they have been called to do or their mission in the world. But they like to laugh and eat and joke, uh, travel, maybe shop, you know, whatever the things that they find in common that is familiar. But at the core of that, when you build a broader circle and you have a soul tribe of people who share in your theories and your factors and uh your philosophies and they support you, that is a base, but it can be awful, fleeting, and just uh icky to roll with people who show you that they don't rock with you, but expect you to rock with them and anything that they they should engage. That's why it's important. And so we want to be able to uh look at what proximity envy does and looks like in daily life, the psychology behind it, and uh just offer practical strategies to reduce harm and channel the energy productively. You know, we wanna we don't want to blame people, we want to acknowledge it so that we can remain our best and become better, and then also create platforms for them to move forward. Uh another experience I can recall um is, you know, uh as we started the podcast, you know, people were finding out the podcast was here and listening and showing support in different ways. But, you know, I can always count on um uh one person to always kind of come with this kind of critique-ish, kind of complimentary, kind of wicked mash of the both, and it feels more judgmental than it does um elevating, and so I'm often like, is that a compliment? And out of all it takes to create and be who we are, I always marvel at people who can find them on, find themselves on that end of the spectrum, like the productive way and the proactive way to to deposit and help somebody. But some people always find, I don't know whatever it is, ego or they are the ones that must speak this unspoken at all times, unsolicit, unsolicited or otherwise even interested, you know, and I get that. And I look at that and I keep going because I believe in what I do as a creative artist. I care about what I do and I care about people, and when I put my heart into it, I believe it will reach the heart of someone down the street, across the way, across the pond, or on the other side of the world, because that's what being human and funky and chic is all about, people.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

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SPEAKER_04 18:30

And as we dig a little deeper in distinguishing the proximity envy from other feelings, such as envy versus enmity with proximity, it's not just desiring outcomes, but perceiving others as closer due to their geography, networks, or accessibility. Uh, those feelings can be imposter syndrome or social comparison uh or FOMO, you know, being aroused by uh posts that you see on social media about other events that may be going on at that time that they hope are better opportunities for them to participate in. Here we go. Right now is the time for you to grab a notebook or get your voice memo so that you can reflect on this information much later. Want to offer practical toolkits, quick actions that you can address the proximity envy challenge that you may have in a supportive relationship. Action one is to map out your proximity landscape. This means to list domains where you want closer proximity, such as your career, your creative roots, social circles, and learning, and identify current access points and gaps. So you want to identify where it is you want to go and be a part of and connect to, and then determine how you can get to them and what is the gap between you and that access point. And action two, define three high-leverage moves. You want to pick three concrete steps to increase proximity in the next 30 days, such as joining one professional group or reaching out to a potential mentor or attend a local event, meaning within the next 30 days, you need to make an effort. This is an actionable step that you can reach out to someone, make a connection, which now kind of closes the gap with your proximity access to an opportunity that you desire. Action number three: reframe proximity as collaboration. Shift your mindset from scarcity to mutual value. Uh, in this practice, you should consider exchanging information or content or help first, or outreach of offering resources or help as an introduction, meaning offer yourself complimentary, trade, free in some context where you build interest in who you are and what you do, and then you can establish trust to build a network moving forward. Action number four: build a proximity ladder. Create a tiered plan that gradually increases your proximity, uh, considering online communities, local events, in-person meetups, and mentorships. And you want to put this so it's trackable and you begin to see benchmarks of your approach, the gap between your accessibility uh to these platforms. Remember, the 101 in networking is not who you know, but who knows you. Action five, audit your social media and networks, curate feeds and connections to reduce negative reflections. Follow those who inspire you and strategies they use without copying them. So you just gotta expose yourself to things that impact and provide direction to where you would like to be in your pursuits. Action six create micro rituals, tiny daily or weekly practices that. Reinforce progress, 10-minute outreach block, weekly reflections, whatever you need to do to put some habits and routines in place to again close the gap and get you closer to access. Action number seven: set boundaries and celebrate small wins. Track your wins no matter how small a win is a win. Acknowledge that proximity is a journey, not a single breakthrough. So as you're developing networks and connecting with people, you want to make genuine connections. Uh, not a connection where you're trying to extract from people, but make a friendly and a nice connection because that builds into their network. And when people like you, know what you do, take interest in what you do, they build and trust the connection with you, and this helps you again close the gap and uh gain access that uh shortens that space between proximity and access.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

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SPEAKER_04 23:16

Proximity, envy, and unsupportive relationships. Here's a quick um psychologist tip so we can understand what's actually going on and find our way to one not just understanding, but a way to transparency so we can possibly still bridge the gaps between friends and relations and connections that that that belong. They just don't know how to do this well. You feel me? Uh, how proximity envy feels in the brain. It's a fight or flight vibe with social signals. You know, it's rewarded by anticipation when others seem to be closer. So the uh proximity gap is closed and it has a trigger for those who are activated by this. Uh why unsupported friendships even happen. Um, and this is not blaming, but a lot of times it can be due to misaligned values, fear of change, insecurity, uh, resource scarcity uh could also affect how that's perceived and the dynamic between uh friends. There is a chic pivot. Um, you gotta separate the person from the outcome. Your friend's reaction isn't a verdict on your own worth. Again, because they're unsupportive doesn't mean you're not doing a good thing. It doesn't mean you you need to rethink, you need to shrink and simmer down and take a rest. You know, that is the opposite of that, you know. It can cause that kind of trigger in you to think, am I worthy? Am I good enough? But in this topic today, we want to address it from both sides. We want to be mindful, we want to create the awareness if you are that person with an unsupported friend. And if you are the unsupported friend, we want to support that as well so that in your own life there is a fulfillment and that you are able to move forward and uh attach yourselves to those platforms you want to be connected to so that your anxiety is not so triggered with the friends that are moving and fulfilling and doing what they want to do because ultimately that's what we all want to happen, and that's what's going to happen. The season will pass on with, with, or without you. And so we want to encourage all because being human is what matters, you know, it's people magic, and all of us, the way us is, how we is, and how we are, baby, it's important, it's it's critically important. Uh, more information for you with this, you want to remind you of the friend, the minimizer friend, that one who all your little job, all your little project, or somehow uh qualifying or quantifying what it is, in most cases, uh reducing it, you know, to a lower, lower or more acceptable level for them. So keeping in mind that the proximity gap, you know, between where someone wants to be and where they actually are, those things come into play as well. Um, you want to be mindful that if a friend still offers a small non-judgmental gesture, such as, you know, passing along a resource or quick coffee, you know, that kind of gesture and movement uh can reopen the thread of trust and shows, you know, collaboration is possible in some way. So while they may not be involved in the day-to-day and the down and dirty details of your dream or your aspirations, that is a key indication that there is a possibility to stay connected in a healthy way uh with that person. So you you definitely want to consider that moving forward.

SPEAKER_01 27:05

Ah, hello. We do hope that you've enjoyed yourself with the art of staying funky and staying chic. Great day, Ivy.

SPEAKER_04 27:25

And in the spirit of this uh podcast today, envy isn't the villain. It's a signal that you want closer proximity. So let's design a path, not wallow in it. That's why we're having this kind of chatter today, because we want to find a way to move forward, and we don't want any successful friends to feel vilified or feel less than because another unsupported friend can't really get it and understand it. Um, but at the end of the day, we don't want our efforts to be swallowed up by the unsupported friend. We want the supportive friend to find a place to get closer to obtain their goals and their dreams so there's more contentment and fulfillment in their life. So they got less time to be unsupportive about what you do. That's the real real. That's what we're doing. Cause in a minute, judgment is gonna come and we're gonna have to set us some boundaries and handling conversations with unsupported friends a little differently. Tell them less, share more, uh, wait to the highlights, uh, broadcast it so they can see it somewhere and see and believe, you know. Um, but more important, you also can open up conversations like I'm exploring a path. Would you be open to a quick conversation or brainstorm session versus uh you don't support me or you never seem to buy into what I'm doing? You know, you gotta learn to take the effort and and really see who people are in your life and from their response and actions, it'll show you what you need to know. Um, when distance becomes healthy, sometimes it's okay to step back temporarily. Your energy matters more than staying in a draining loop. If you gotta step off, fall back, listen. Do what you gotta do to protect yourself and still be mindful of what that means to be connected to the unsupported friend. And here we go. Rebuild proximity with intent. Seek allies outside the inner circle while maintaining respect for existing friendships. Um, every friendship or connecting doesn't have to be everything to you, it needs to feed you with what it has, and then you need to eat somewhere else. Often we pull so much from the same people and then criticize it when we've pulled so much and lacked consideration for what they have to give in other areas of their life. So, this is always making us a better me, we, be, them, and they. Just trying to be everything we are meant to be. No, you can be. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? And there you have it, folks. I'll recap and our takeaways today. Uh proximity envy is normal and can be informative if channeled constructively. The core tools, reframing, intentional outreach, collaboration, small actionable steps, and energy management. Thanks so much for taking a dive with me today. You know, this is just always the beginning of a discussion, and I'm hoping that you will take this back into your lives and dig deeper. Uh, I've left some of the resources in the description here on the podcast page for you to reference, and hopefully, it will help you right-size your own life with unsupported friends and understand there is an approach to maintain those friendships and connections without canceling or cutting them off. But there's also a way to more importantly help yourself elevate it and stay high and stay believing and hoping in all that you do and all that you are. Uh, thanks so much for being here. Talk about it, share with people, uh, rate the show. Um, come back. We're here every Monday, and the content is here around clock. So if you need to come back and say I missed something, oh, this was great. I need more information, even some show notes. It's all listed here. Find us on our socials, FFB Podcast, uh uh X, Instagram, wherever we are on socials, we are there, and uh hope all is well with you. We'll catch up with you real soon. Y'all be easy in life and keep it light.

SPEAKER_02 32:38

Oh, I stay funky everything that you know you're gonna do.