SPEAKER_07 0:20

To be seen, to be cool, let the world know it's cute, to be cute, to be low, never low, ride the butt, eye the button. Gotta stay funky, gotta stay cheap. To be everything that you know you can be. Oh yeah, yo, gotta stay funky, gotta stay cheap. To be everything that you know you can be.

SPEAKER_04 0:56

We back and we outside. What's up, family? A lot has happened since the last time we were together, and things are still going on all around the world. But what we are doing is we're keeping it funky and we're keeping it. It's so good to be back with you. Season three. We still talking about what matters, being human, being the best living life. Today's episode is about friendship. I'm so excited to finally sit down and talk with you, Henry. We have been trying to do this for some time, and now that we're in finally season three of Funky Funky But Shit. We made it through two seasons. Uh again, the podcast is about being human. And on the first season, I was a little personal and intimate with revealing some of my own challenges. I feel like if I can do that, I can empower other people to see themselves through me, through my transparency. Season two, you know, we elevated it slightly, just still talked about making the necessary adjustments of who you are, aligning yourself with yourself, your dreams, your visions, your purpose, your call in life, and having the courage to pursue it, having the courage to pivot as you need to, but more importantly, unleashing the power that is you. Whatever that is for the world, whatever that is for your community and your family, finding you there. And season three and on, you know, is going to serve that same purpose. But I wanted to start this particular episode off with talking about the value of friendships. Um I was just thinking about out of all the relationships we have in life, romantic, professional, and otherwise, there is always an element of friendship that we always return to, that holds us up, that takes us in, that coddles us, that advises us, sometimes that uh stresses us, but we always return to that. So I wanted to put a spin on it. Like friendship is the gateway to self-discovery in a sense, because it's through the interactions of friendship that you determine who you are, what you like, the kind of people you want to be around. And so I wanted to talk to you about that.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

Gotta stay funky, I gotta stay chic.

SPEAKER_04 4:14

I'm really glad. Um people don't know, but we went to elementary school together. Yeah. We go back. Kindergarten at least eighth grade. Yeah, so it's interesting to talk about like the value of friendship having what is it now, 40 plus years maybe? 40 plus. Let's say let's drop it down. It's more than that. Yes. And so as life does, you know, we separated because we went different directions in the last years of school and higher education and our careers. And then what, about three years ago we reconnected and um been just pushing at, you know, finding. I think when I reconnect with you, my time was my time, your time was your time. But I was always intentional about finding time for us to connect. Yes, and and not being deterred by all the things we have going on, because that's just life.

SPEAKER_03 5:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:08

You know, we had spent 25 years apart and now to come anything, pick back up. But but this also feeds into kind of the vibe and the nuance of this of this podcast. So catch me up and catch our our folks up out there on who you are now. And let's get into this discussion.

SPEAKER_05 5:27

Well, I am first excited and honored to be here with you on this platform. I'm so proud of all that you have done and become. Thank you, sir. And I'm glad to be able to sit here with you, not just as a guest, but as a friend. Yes. I'm Wallace Raphael Henry III. Raphael. Raphael. Um have done a lot of education. So I'm a doctor in special education. Nice. I'm currently a senior pastor at Interlight Ministries, UCC. Um, hands in a lot of different things, do advocacy work for my Vitiligo skin condition. Um but at a at a great place in my life for this conversation. Good. Just because of how things have transitioned and how now I kind of sit at this reflective space at 56 where I'm evaluating a lot of things in my life. And friendships has been one of those major things that I've been looking at and working on intentionally this past year in a new way. Okay, yeah. So that's what that's me.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

I love that. From experts to enthusiasts, funky funky but chic with Sir Wall is the podcast for you. Subscribe and join the community.

SPEAKER_04 6:57

I love that you said that. I also it grabbed me when you said to be in this conversation right now because my prayer is always that the content we share with our listeners resonates when they hear it, but also that there are insights, wisdoms, antidotes that whenever somebody encounters the show, whether when it is freshly released and broadcasted or months or even years, that it finds a place in their heart. And that's why I feel like centering around the content, around being human, the essence of who we are as we are, never gets old. No. And it never gets tired because we're ever growing and always evolving. New people are coming into old experiences, and old experiences are coming to new people. All those kinds of things, it's a circle.

SPEAKER_03 7:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 7:43

And so, again, the essence of this is talking about in that circle, what roles friendships have played in who we are, and I feel like ideally our friendships and any really social relationship should be a mirror. There should be a mirror of reflection of likeness, alignment, and even contrast on where I should be and aspire to go. Meaning I should be able to find myself challenged by the things a friend is doing. Not jealous, not envious. Exactly. Challenged to say, oh, maybe I should step my game up. And also finding them empathy if I'm not so slick on my game, that they're still supportive of me, but still pushing me in a way that it grows me and expands me. I remember coming up, my father, he said this and it made no sense at the time. He always used to say, people are not your friend. They may be associates. I was a youngster. I thought everybody that giggled and laughed and played and hung out with that. I think was a friend. Yeah. You know, and that was the word because, you know, at that time, not mature enough or even emotionally mature enough to identify associates, you know, connections, all the different levels of friendship or engagement or social engagement. But I always said friend, but as I got older, I realized that that is a term we use so freely, we use in the moment. But people are not always our friends or beneficial to our life. They make an impact, they may serve an immediate purpose, short term or maybe long term, but um there is something to those that go the distance, and with that journey, they bring you into places of elevation, discovery. Um, what's important for me for friendship is that it's peaceful, it's aligned, I'm understood, I'm embraced. Um I had someone I know to tell me one time, well, you you know you're pretty peculiar. What did they say? A conundrum is what they called me. Because it was like, well, people don't know how to approach you, and da da da. I said, the right people do.

SPEAKER_05 9:59

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 10:00

I'm not adjusting, so you're comfortable. If you're not comfortable, it's you. It's not me. So what's your take on that? What's your take on the value of friendships, the level of friendships? You know, there are all kinds of friendships there nowadays, a friend benefits.

SPEAKER_05 10:16

All kinds.

SPEAKER_04 10:17

I mean, but I think whatever you establish with your friends should be yours, it should be yours, it should be intimate. But give me your take on how friendships benefit us, what what role they play and how we should serve friendships in our lives.

SPEAKER_05 10:32

Well, let me let me go back to when we first reconnected. Um, just the I mean, because we have been apart for so long, like well, since like you said, since junior high school. Yeah, it'd been a while. Yeah, we are 50 plus, matured, have had all types of different types of friendships and relationships. And so when we reconnected, there was this sense of at-homeness. And I think at this stage in life, yeah, where you don't always want to have to re-explain yourself and being able to sit across a table and be like, even if even if you weren't there for all of them, you were there for quite a few of them. Yeah, those experiences that I don't have to explain who I am. And you can sit in this, it's uh it's a comfort, it's a comfort, it's a peace, yeah, and it's a connection. It's just and it it I want to say that it grounded me in a way, and it it felt like it pushed me into that next phase, um, because over the next the two years afterwards, just looking at different experiences I had with friendships, and so I've always had have made um friendships um almost even closer than than family many times. And so my friends had become my family. Yes. And so that whole that whole value of of who they are, um, and I think as a young person, I was um still trying to be liked and still trying to stay. So a lot of the experiences were either around school or around um around being like or events.

SPEAKER_04 12:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 12:27

But as you as we age and you have the opportunity or understand the choice of what a friend is, um then the value of it changes because I'm looking for um someone that I can have a reciprocal relationship with, where it's not just one way, because a lot of times if you're if you are a giver on a professional end, your relationships sometimes are imbalanced because you are always seeking to help. And so you get in these situations, and I find myself with some remnants of friends where that was the and I looked at it just like, well, when when was the last time that you gave even a moment of grace or a moment of empathy if I'm going through something? And so when you're going through something in life, those friends are those people that can pick you up, that you can talk to, and sometimes that can correct you if you need to be trying to. Absolutely. Um and so now I'm I I don't use the term like I used to, yeah. And so I am more using associates if you're in this outer peripheral. Yes. Because we may associate and we may have been friends at one point, yeah, but then our lives went a different direction. So now we just associated, yeah, which means we can talk occasionally and it's fine. Yeah, or not at all. Or not at all. And then there's some friends that you don't talk to for months and years, yeah, and you click right back in with.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 14:12

Um, and so the value I think changed because of how I valued me and how I value my time. Yes. And how um I wanted to be a benefit and also to be seen, heard, understood, and have a moment where I can just be me. Because living in most circles where you are very uh you're known and you're held in certain esteem as a pastor and as as a as a school administrator, um, everyone's coming to you, coming to you. And there has to be a place where it can just be wild, it's not Dr. Wallace, it can just be wild.

SPEAKER_04 14:53

And I think that's underrated, Wallace. I think at the end of the day, you said it, and when you said it, it was almost like a weight lifted. It was like, well, I can just be me. Yeah. Like, you know, I look at the life I've lived in entertainment, and and always a public platform, always before people in some way presenting, responsible for an atmospheric impact at events and things like that. And it's cool because I accept who I am, who I was created to be, and all the goodness, the stuff that makes me funky is chic. That's right, that's right.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

But I like to just ah, here we go, mate. It's the artist staying funky and the artist staying chic. With Sahu. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:42

I like to sit my black ass button and not have to explain or be told or keep up with stuff. You know, as a Scorpio, I really lean into the fact that I can be a loner or small talk irritates me. And a lot of times, as we as you were talking, I I think about the friendships I've had over the years, and sometimes history doesn't guarantee a future. You know, you know people for a long time, but I'm not the same person I was a year ago.

SPEAKER_03 16:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:10

Much less three or five years. In some cases, not even last week, you know, because I'm always shifting and evolving as things are presented in life. And what I want people to understand that it's okay when you feel those moments of shift and a need to level up. Because sometimes sometimes you get stuck in friendships like people get stuck in relationships, like toxic or trauma-bonded friendships. I met you when I was struggling. Or I met you when I was trying to come over the hump. But I don't come over the hump and you still you still praying.

SPEAKER_05 16:44

Yeah. And you you talked about that awareness of where you are. Yes. And that is so important because you gotta look sometimes and say, either to give yourself credit for changes that you've made, yes, or the conflicts in your relationship. Yes. Where the frustration is pushing you to a new decision. Yes. To look at it differently, yes, sir, to respond differently because it may be you saying, hey, I need more. This is not giving me more, and you know, we gotta hurt our, we gotta stump our toes sometime before we move.

SPEAKER_04 17:21

Yeah, we gotta keep going back for that same trifling behavior, right? Or misalignment. And you know what? Another thing, a lot of times, I think the culture's gotten so to a place where it's gotta be tragic before you make a move. I think you should be able to make a move out of a position of strength. We shouldn't have to have a breakdown or loss before we decide either this no longer aligns with me, I'm no longer interested in this, or I'm gonna do something different. And we want we find ourselves binding ourselves to friendships and the people and ideas that we don't even believe. And I think what what has helped me be intentional is I focus on me.

SPEAKER_03 17:59

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 18:00

Like I like me. I like spending time with me. I like all the things about me that are me. All I ever want to be is all that I am. I mean, period. And so when I got to the place where I was accepting me as I am, not the things I want to be in the future, because you know people like the future me says it. Yeah, the future me wants to drop 75 pounds. The future me wants to bring back some more life into the 60-year-old body almost. In time it will.

SPEAKER_02 18:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:28

But right now, I don't need to like me in seven months. Seven months. I rock with me now. Right now. And so what I'm doing with that, if I'm aware of me, I need somebody that's equally aware of themselves. And then in our awareness and our intentionality, that we're able to find mutual relations and contact and interest and pursuits and align ourselves and not compromise or not be after what you have or you could get or where you can get me. You know, ego fucks me up. I I get it, and there's some there's some strength in a balanced ego, but a lot of people are just so consumed with the things of their own lives, they don't let people in, but they complain when people are not there for them.

SPEAKER_02 19:08

Right.

SPEAKER_04 19:08

And so over time, just for me, my friendships have now changed. I recently lost a childhood friend in January of this year, Dana, who died earlier this year, and I knew her for 40-something years, like consistently. There were breaks in time for work, personal growth, family growth, all those things. But we always we stayed connected, and I thought it was beautiful, and I never took it for granted, but I realized after her death how really beautiful it is to still be able to find like-mindedness, interest, camaraderie, fellowship with a friend. And some of us have it, some of us don't. Some of us are loyal to friendships because we just don't want to change and we don't know how to change, we don't need to change. Whatever the case is, whatever the case is for you, live what's best for you, whatever your highest good is. But I believe there is an intrinsic value to wholesome, healthy, balanced, nurturing friendships that make you the person you are. So you're a better person, you're a better friend, you're a better collaborator, you're a better co-worker, you're better serving your community, you're a better lover.

SPEAKER_03 20:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 20:27

You know, I think that friendships, because they're such a constant, they should be things that bring us to a place of awareness and value in what we do, and we should be able to live out in the strength of whatever friendship brings. If you got a shitty friendship and you tolerate it, you you're gonna be shitty somewhere along the way.

SPEAKER_03 20:45

Yeah, yeah. Yep.

SPEAKER_04 20:46

And that's not gonna align with me. Doesn't mean I'm better. And that's what we need to see: alignment, um, camaraderie, like-mindedness. Those are decisions, and I've spent a long time just being nice. Yeah. Hanging around, trying to find my worth in it, holding it together, trying it to prove myself for people who could give two flying fucks. Yep. Unless it was something they needed. And so, you know, those are things that brought me to this place. Um, tell me what some things some things about friendships for you over the years that you're here now that have helped sustain you, elevate you, motivate you, move you forward. Uh and what kind of value do you place in those relationships now?

SPEAKER_05 21:33

Now, the the over the last year, I um I started therapy, which has been a wonderful thing. How about that? Just to organize and to have a space, a safe space to talk through where I'm at. And I went looking to activate the tools and to all of those things. Okay. And so one of the things that we tackled were Relationships and so it brings me back to boundaries because that was one of the things when it came up. I was like, wow, yeah, and as I looked across my life and my circles, that was something that was a challenge because, like, okay, how what type of boundary is do I have for my friendships where I have allowed it to move to this place of imbalance? Overreach. Overreach, overreach, and that yeah, that that that has been a constant theme where it's it's like, well, I'm looking at um well, I settled in a place where it was okay and made it okay for them, yeah, to continue to be ragged, continue to be the takers because you the store. I came in to get stuff for you. Okay, okay, okay, and I'm not even giving you cash. I'm just coming steal from you. It's not even a good barter. I'm just taking from you, right? But when I think about the the friendships that have been lasting, those are the ones, and like I have a I have a really good friend that we talk daily, and we have pushed each other throughout our careers. Nice. She's pulled me along, and I pulled her along, and we have open conversation. We have just about life and about where we're going in in our career and just support. And so and and I can pull her curtail like she pulls mine and say, hey, what are you doing here, or why are you operating like this?

SPEAKER_04 23:52

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_05 23:53

And we have kept each other balanced in terms of direction. And and I always tell so often just how much I appreciate the space that we have that is honest, I like it, non-judgmental, yeah. Um, and then as I looked at that and compared to others, I was like, okay, you have to allow yourself to have new experiences with new people.

SPEAKER_03 24:27

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 24:27

And it's not necessarily that I threw away, and some people will move away, and then we go running. Okay, but then other people, and we have to look at when people move out of our lives, yeah, they're moving out for a reason. Yeah. And it's changing, and it's okay.

SPEAKER_04 24:49

Because you don't lose who you are, it really is okay, it is, and we can't see it as something we didn't do or contribute, exactly. That we're less than. What I've learned more than not, and I have learned and embraced it. When people decide that they can leave you and drop you, yeah, let them. And there you have it, folks. Uh, we had so much to share uh hanging out at the DMV. So, Dr. Wallace Henry is back next week for part two. We've got more to share with you about, you know, finding the mirror in friendship, the reflection, those things that make you feel safe, make you feel whole, that lift you to affirm you, bring you strength. Not no drama, not chasing, trying to figure out uncertainty, iffy. Nah, we're not doing none of that these days. Uh, it's more to come. Y'all, please stay funky and stay shitty.

SPEAKER_01 25:39

New episodes drops every Monday. Subscribe today for bite-sized insights, big ideas. Subscribe now.

SPEAKER_08 25:47

To be seen, to be cool. Let the world know it's you to be seen to be love.

SPEAKER_02 26:04

Rise above, up and up, down, and up, and up, and up, and up, and to be able to do it.

SPEAKER_06 27:18

Do it takes great minds, great minds with head signs, cause we've been screaming, baby. It's awake time, it's time to shine.

SPEAKER_04 27:30

Yo, yo, dig this cosmic confidence, baby. Settle into the space within you where wonder meets heart. Breathe in the vastness, exhale the noise, and invite the quiet stars to listen. I am a constellation of countless moments, and the people I touch are the signs that trace my light. In every friendship's orbit, I learn where I truly belong. I open my ears to the music of shared laughter, honest silence, and gentle truth. In listening, I discover the map of my own character. I honor the bridges I build. Small, steady, and radiant. Each connection is a beam of awareness that helps me see my own shape in the night sky. I release the need to fit into a mold. My authentic self shines when I welcome friends as mirrors, reflecting both my strength and my shadows with kindness. I cultivate curiosity about others and compassion for myself. Through curiosity, I grow. Through compassion, I heal. Through growth, I become more real. When friendship challenges me, I choose curiosity over defensiveness. I ask, what is this moment revealing about me that I might otherwise overlook? I trust that the right souls travel at the right pace. Some align closely, some drift like comets, yet they all contribute to the mosaic of who I'm becoming. I speak my truth with grace, and I listen with awe. In honest conversation, I unearth my values and proclaim them through my actions. I celebrate the resilience of bonds that endure distance and time. Faithful bridges remind me that I am seen, chosen, and worthy of love. I release what no longer serves the harmony of my life. Judgments, comparisons, and masks. I am free to be imperfectly radiant. I invite wonder into everyday moments, a shared joke, a quiet coffee, a reassuring presence. These sparks illuminate my inner cosmos. As I walk the bridges of bonding, I awaken to the realization that others reveal who I am by how I treat them, how I listen, and how I love. With every breath, I align with the truth that friendship is a mirror and a door. A mirror that reflects my true self and a door that invites me to become more of who I meant to be. I step forward with gratitude, curiosity, and courage. The galaxies within me glow brighter as I nurture friendships that reflect my most authentic self. And so it is.